Episode 16, “The Old Gods and the New,” opens up in Winterfell. Maester Luwin is scrambling to send a crow out with a message as chaos ensues outside. Winterfell is under siege! If we were unclear on this, Theon storms into a sleeping Bran’s room and informs him, “I took it! I took Winterfell.” Everything about Theon screams “trying too hard.” How weird it must be for Bran, for his older foster brother to be trying to take away his castle?

Bran pledges allegiance to Theon to spare the lives of the people of Winterfell. Ser Rodrick, having been captured after killing two of Theon’s men, defies him publicly. Dagmer advises Theon to execute him, to gain the respect (fear?) of the Winterfellians. He does so, in a horribly sloppy way. It takes him three strikes of a sword and then a leg kick to get Rodrick’s head to pop off. Theon, can’t you do anything right?

Papa Lannister fires one of his council for accidentally sending a letter detailing military strategies to Stark loyalists. Oops! He notes that Arya is literate – unusual for a common-born young girl. Lord Petyr Baelish’s arrival is announced. Arya tries to stay cool, fearing she will be recognized. He seems to recognize her, but doesn’t let on to Tywin. Remember, he’s been tasked with finding Arya by Cersei. She listens to Petyr inform Tywin of the “dark forces” behind Renley’s death, and suggests that the Lannisters team up with the Tyrells for the interim, and once the Baratheon and Stark armies are defeated, they can be punished for rebelling against Joffrey. What is the plan here, to marry Margaery to Joffrey? Egads.

North of the Wall, Qhorin, Jon Everloving Snow and a bunch of rangers we don’t care about are trudging towards the wildling lookouts’ encampment. They attack and kill everyone except a young woman named Ygritte, played by Rose Leslie, who is the second actor from Downtown Abbey to appear on this show (that I know of), the first being Iain Glen as Jorah Mormont. She played the house maid who gets a fancy secretary job in the first season. The rangers leave Jon to behead Ygritte. “Strike hard and true, Jon Snow, or I’ll come back and haunt you.” That cracked me up. Jon can’t go through with it, deliberately striking in front of her head. She runs, he captures her.

A sobbing princess Myrcella gets shipped off to Dorne. “One day I pray you love someone,” says a seething Cersei to Tyrion. “I pray you love her so much, when you close your eyes you see her face. I want that for you. I want you to know what it’s like, to truly love someone, before I take her from you.” Here’s hoping she doesn’t find out about his girlfriend!

While returning to the castle, citizens of King’s Landing jeer and taunt Joffrey. Tyrion senses an uprising and sends little prince Tommen back to the keep. A mud pie is flinged at Joffrey, who demands that everyone (?) present be executed. The Hound drags a hapless Joffrey along, as we see/hear the priest who had just been blessing Myrcella torn limb from limb, which marks the first time I have ever seen that, I think? But then again, I don’t watch Walking Dead.

Sansa is separated from her handmaidens and chased into an alley by some terrifying dudes in a scene that gave me flashbacks to the quasi-rape tableau in the Disney World Pirates of the Caribbean boat ride. Does that stil exist? Seeing the priest torn apart, Tyrion’s first priority becomes finding Sansa, but none of the king’s guard will look for her, especially since Joffrey doesn’t give two shakes. “We’ve had vicious kings, and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot!” screams Tyrion before he slaps Joffrey. A little callback to the season one! “If [Sansa] dies, your uncle Jaime dies,” he reminds Joffrey. “And you owe him quite a bit you know!” Yes, like half your DNA and probably your dyslexia. In what has to be one of the most horrible and drawn-out rape scenes I have ever seen on screen, Sansa is juuuust about to be gang-raped when the Hound walks in and kills everyone. “Alright now, little bird,” he tells her. “You’re all right.” How nice of you to save her, Hound, after all those public floggings you’ve administered! He’s got a soft spot for the vulnerable teenage girls he’s beaten the shit out of. “Well done,” says Tyrion, thanking him. “I didn’t do it for you.” For who then?

Dany asks The Spice King to make a monetary investment in her conquest for the Iron Throne, sans marriage contract. He refuses. “Forgive me little princess, but I cannot make an investment based on wishes and dreams!” Pardon, but isn’t that the entire basis of the venture capital industry? Dany is like, hi, remember that time I gave birth to dragons?

While tidying up, Arya finds a piece of parchment with military strategy concerning her brother scrawled on it. Papa Lannister tells a sad story about Jaime being dyslexic and how he used to hate him for making him study. We are pretty sure Jaime still hates his dad.

Arya tells Tywin her father was a stone mason. “What killed him?” he asks. “Loyalty,” she replies. She leaves to fetch wood for the fire, and send the sensitive parchment by raven to someone who can help and is confronted by Amory Lorch. Arya escapes him and rushes to Jaqen, demanding he kill him before he outs Arya to Tywin.

Robb Stark macks HARD on Talisa. Catelyn shows up, and is like, son, you are betrothed. Do not fuck this up. Methinks Talisa is a spy. They get word about the siege on Winterfell: that Rodrick is dead, but there’s no word about the Stark boys. One of Robb’s advisors convinces Robb to not return to Winterfell, but let his bastard son take the castle back, and bring Theon alive to Robb to answer for his crimes.

Robb and Ygritte have to camp for the night. Rob refuses to light a fire for warmth, instead choosing to snuggle. Tale as old as time! Jon Snow, Big Spoon. Ygritte does a hilarious little shimmy and Jon is like CUT IT OUT. Aw, those too. Get a room! But seriously, get a room or some kind of shelter, because you’re going to die in this cold.

Osha is still trying to convince Theon to let her “serve” him. He bites. We get another dress-dropping scene. Theon is really into chicks who do not brush their hair. “What do you want, other than your miserable life?” he asks her. Theon really knows how to talk to a lady.

Shae tends to Sansa’s wounds. Sansa, who has kept up a good act as a devoted fiancee to Joffrey up until now, confides in Shae that she wishes him dead. Shae urges her to trust no one. Like her, for example.

Osha’s on the move. She attempts to seduce one of Theon’s men, then cuts his throat. She flees Winterfell with Bran, Ricken, their diewolfs and Hodor in tow.

Back in Qarth, Dany discovers that virtually all of her people are dead, slayed in her guest quarters. Also, her dragons are missing. Cut to: a shrouded figure carrying the caged dragons up steps to a tower. She should have used the safe they recommend to all guests. Qarth Marriott is not responsible for lost or stolen belongings including baby dragons / meal tickets.

Catelyn Stark is still with Renley, negotiating a peace treaty. Renley feels quite smug about how he’s going to whup his big brother’s army in the morning. Catelyn begs him to reconsider. A stiff breeze blows into his princely tent. Vagina Ghost! (Just in case you forgot that part at the end of the last episode, where Melisandre gave birth to a vagina ghost in a cave.) In about 90 seconds, Vagina Ghost stabs Renley through the chest, then dissolves into thin air. Lady Brienne and Catelyn are dumbstruck. Two of Renley’s guard enter the tent and attack Brienne, assuming she killed Renley. Her quick disposal of both of them establishes her as a fearsome, skilled killer, and Gwendoline Christie’s performance as a devastated, devotee of Renley establishes her as an acting powerhouse. Catelyn spirits her away.

Littlefinger tries to convince Margaery and Loras Tyrell to flee with him before Stannis and his men show up at Renley’s camp. “Do you want to be a queen?” Littlefinger asks Margaery. “No,” she replies. “I want to be the queen.”

In King’s Landing, Tyrion informs Cersei of Renley’s death. With Stannis acquiring Renley’s men, they’ll have superiority over the Lannister army on both land and sea. Cersei is confident her secret weapon will keep them safe, but won’t tell Tyrion what it is. She’s still upset about his whole plan to send her only daughter away to Dorne.

Fortunately, Tyrion has his man Cousin Lancell on the inside. He informs Tyrion (in Tyrion’s baller private carriage he tools around King’s Landing in – let’s all get our own!) that the pyromancers are making thousands of jars worth of “wildfire.” We are verging into Super Mario Bros. territory, George R. R. Cersei’s wildfire will be no match for Robb’s mushroom demons!

Speaking of demons, Davos tries to convince Stannis that he saw Melisandre give birth to a Vagina Ghost. He couldn’t care less. He’s winning! Vagina ghosts are for winners.

Tyrion makes way through the marketplace of King’s Landing with Bronn. A soapbox preacher is  prattling on about incest in the royal home and how Joffrey’s a bad apple. He calls Tyrion a “twisted demon monkey.” “I’m trying to SAVE them,” he pleads with Bronn. Huddles masses, what do they know?

Theon is preparing to sail on his ship, the U.S.S. Sea Bitch. His crew doesn’t respect him. Yara has a laugh with the boys before leaving to command her 30 ships. Dagmer Cleftjaw, his assigned first mate, gives him the brilliant idea that instead of invading the Stony Shore, as tasked, they should invade another spot near Winterfell, and when the men of Winterfell leave to defend it, Theon et al can take it for their own.

Papa Lannister has a meeting with his counsel. Arya is serving as cupbearer, listening to them talk about her brother’s army, which is doing pretty well! Go Robb. Lest we mistake Tywin for a benevolent, rational soul, he dismisses his own cousin from the council for asking for some sleep after pulling an all nighter. We’ll stay up as late as needed, roars, Tywin – We’re going to win this science fair no matter what it takes! Papa Lannister outs Arya as a northerner by quizzing her on sigils. “What do they say of Robb Stark in the north?” he asks her. “They say he can’t be killed.” “And do you believe them?” “No,” she replies. “Anyone can be killed.” Arya is comin’ for ya, Lannisters!

Arya runs into her old pal Jaqen H’ghar while fetching water. He informs her that by saving his life and those of his two fellow prisoners, Arya has stolen three lives from the Red God, and they must be repaid. (I really need a primer on all the religions floating around. What is the deal with this new monotheistic religion?) “Name three names, and the man [Jaqen, continuing to refer to himself in the third person, cool] will do the rest.” She’s like, sure, whatever creepy dude, the Tickler, I guess. Seeya!

Jon Snow (Jon! Hi Kit.) and the men of the Night’s Watch are trudging through the snow north of the wall. “Beautiful, isn’t it!” exclaims Sam. “Gilly would love it here!” “There’s nothing more sick than a man in love,” says their fellow watchman. One of the best things about this show is how universal the dialogue, just as fitting in an ancient fantasy world as it would be in modern-day reality. This, and all the torture porn.

Tyrion and Bronn are paying the pyromancer a visit. He shows Tyrion the vast stockpile of jars (7,811 to be exact) of this deadly substance he and his fellow alchemists have already concocted. “The contents of this room could lay King’s Landing low,” says Tyrion. Cersei is planning to launch the pots via catapult at invading forces. Bronn points out that in the chaos of warfare, a dropped pot would set their own castle on fire.

In Qarth, Dany trains one of her baby dragons. Her two Dothraki handmaidens are quarreling – one of them is impressed with Xaro’s generosity and the resulting finery, the other is like girldontdatehim.com, wary of strangers. In the beautiful botanical garden, Dany is approached by the creepiest looking fellow this side of the Great Sea. A little research tells me his name is Pyat Pree, head of the warlocks at the House of the Undying. He invites her to drop by sometime.

Lady Spiderman pulls Jorah Mormont aside, and advises him to protect Dany from evil suitors after her dragons, and he is like, hellooo, why do you think I am still working for a teenage girl? For the health benefits?

Catelyn and Brienne camp in the woods. Cat gives Brienne some pro tips on grieving. Brienne offers to serve Catelyn. “You have courage. Not battle courage perhaps, but, I don’t know, a woman’s kind of courage.” And she knows Catelyn won’t hold her back from killing Stannis. She pulls out her sword, kneels, and they exchange perfunctory swearing-to-old-gods-and-new promises. I really like this development. Actually, as much as Catelyn annoys me sometimes, I’d be down with a an offshoot episode that’s just The Aventures of Catelyn and Brienne! Catelyn would be like, “Kill that guy!” and Brienne would do it. Exciting stuff.

Back in Winterfell, Little Lord Bran is informed by Sir Rodrick that their own bannermen are under attack nearby. He sends all the rest of the available able-bodied men in Winterfell to go defend them. Bran tells Osha about a dream he had where the sea floods Winterfell and Sir Rodrick is drowned.

North of the Wall, Qhorin is leading a small group of men to take out some wildling lookouts they’ve spotted. Jon volunteers to go with Qhorin, and Alliser Thorne gives him leave as his steward to be a ranger.

Xaro is showing Dany his impressive vault filled with untold riches. He offers her half of it if she agrees to marry him. “I already married once for love, but the gods stole her away from me…I will give you the Seven Kingdoms, and our children will be princes and princesses.” He informs her that Robert Baratheon is dead. Jorah is not down with this plan, and is suspicious of Xaro. And, also, is in love with Dany, lest we forget – a man in his forties definitely in love with a 14-year-old girl. But, I kind of dig them as a couple? He convinces her to let him find “a sound ship with a good captain” instead of marrying Xaro.

Now, this final scene needs a little breathing room, because it caught me off guard. We open up  on Arya watching Gendry putting the finishing touches on a sword…shirtless. He flexes and spins around, shadow-fighting with his new weapon. Shirtless. He is very sweaty and covered in soot, probably to define his ab muscles. To clear my conscience, I had to look up the age of the actor who plays Gendry: 24. The age of a peer! Thank goodness, because Gendry is supposed to be like, 15, and that makes any ogling seem…pretty gross, at best. Swing on, Gendry!

The pair are interrupted by screaming. The Tickler has fallen to his death. Arya looks up to the balcony above and sees Jaqen being all, I see you girl! Arya realizes the power she now wields, having two more favors to ask of a skilled murderer. Good thing, because she’s got a long list of names to get through this season.

After a three-week sojourn to the West Coast, I’m back in DC. During my time in Northern California, I spent my writing energy on other projects, but did manage to watch Game of Thrones within a reasonable 24-hour window of East Coast airings each week. That, and Gossip Girl, the only two shows Caitlin and I could really agree upon. However, we did get started on a fun little post I can’t wait to share with you all. As for other TV-watching, I am a month behind on all my favorite sitcoms, but I don’t really mind? Game of Thrones and Mad Men are the only shows that can keep me off the internetz until I see the most recent episode, for fear of spoilers. Gossip Girl can’t possibly be spoiled, because we always know the most insane thing that could never happen will happen. Even when True Blood returns on June 10, I don’t know that it will hold my attention in that same way as it has in seasons past.

It turns out I have friends on the West Coast who read these recaps! So, you like, four Easties now have….2.5 brethren. Welcome, all.

For the sake of posterity, I’ll be recapping episodes 14, 15 and 16 all this week – and we’ll be back on track for the last four of Season 2. Hurray!

Without further ado, we delve into the quickly devolving social structure of Westeros as we find it in Episode 14: Garden of Bones.

We open up on a Lannister military encampment. There are gay jokes about Renley Baratheon, and a fart joke. If we know anything by now, it’s that infantile humor can only be followed by one thing on this show: A MASSACRE.

By light of day, “King o’ the North” Robb Stark surveys the mangled corpses he hath wrought. “Five Lannisters dead for every one of ours,” his advisor says. Looks like you’re getting a pretty good ROI for Q1, Rob! The investors will be happy.

A beautiful, kindly nursemaid is like, “Shhhh, gangrenous soldier, I’m just going to saw your leg off.” Robb is turned on. Because nothing says romance like biting a leather strap and the sound of metal grating against human bone. (How did the sound editors achieve this, I wonder?) Robb is all hey gurl can I get yo number, Talisa of Volantis? It becomes evident he’s not only lacking game, but a contingency plan for what will happen once he defeats the Lannister army.

Back in King’s Landing, Joffrey is having his fiancee publicly beaten by the Hound to send a message to Robb Stark. Uncle Tyrion intervenes and delivers a great line, “Bronn, the next time Sir Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?” Tyrion conjectures that it’s adolescent sexual frustration that’s driving Joffrey to be a raging, sadistic sociopath. “Do you think dipping his wick would cure him?” he asks Bronn. “There’s no cure for being a cunt,” Bronn replies. And that, my friends, is the truest sentence ever spoken on this show to date.

Tyrion sends his very best hookers, Ros and the PYT she was leading around on a tour of the brothel earlier this season, to his nephew’s chambers. Joffrey is unamused. He points a crossbow at the pair and forces Ros to beat her friend with an intricately carved ornamental club. Raise your hand if you thought Joffrey wanted her to penetrate her with said club! Thank god it was just a grotesque beating. If we had any questions about Joffrey’s sanity, they’ve been answered. See what inbreeding gets you?

Littlefinger pays King Renley a visit and asks Margery if she’s aware her husband is a queer. “Duh,” she replies. Once again, she is wearing a fierce, fierce dress. Long live Margery on this show, so if only that we may see what other crazy banana outfits she comes up with. She is the Helena Bonham Carter of Westeros, i.e. my sartorial spirit animal.

Back in the Red Waste, one of Dany’s blood riders comes back, and surprise! his head is still on his body. And he’s alive! Good job, blood rider. He tells her of a magical city called Qarth, and Dany deliberates the danger of heading there for refuge.

Arya and Gendry are captive in a prison camp in Harrenhal, where one person is selected each day to be tortured to death. Masie Williams is nailing her performance as Arya, by the way. Someone give her all the awards.

Now, Littlefinger has made his way to another King’s camp, Robb Stark’s. He calls upon his old flame, Catelyn. She is ready to dagger him as he’s all “I’ve loved you since I was a boy.” Well, then maybe you shouldn’t have betrayed her husband? A thought. As a last resort he offers her the return of her daughters, Sansa and Arya, in exchange for Jaime Lannister. “Both girls are healthy [lie] and safe [LIES].” This definitely won’t come back to bite you, Petyr! He’s brought Catelyn a present: her husband’s bones. (Or head? Unsure. Blessedly, they don’t show us what’s in the box.) She is like, GTFO while I cry some real salt tears over these human remains, and we are reminded that Ned is dead, and grief does funny things to people.

In Harrenhal, one of Arya and Gendry’s fellow prisoners is tortured to death by “The Tickler” by having a rat eat his way through his chest cavity. Cool. Just when you think this show can’t get any more gross or horrifying, it really steps it up!

In some unknown middleground in the Stormlands, Renley is having a peace-treaty face-off with his brother, Stannis. Stannis has brought Melisandre, and Renley’s got Catelyn by his side. Stannis gives Renley one night to reconsider his claim to the throne, offering him a seat on the council and designation as heir, “until a son is born to me.” Oh right, Melisandre is probably way pregnant by now.

Outside of Qarth, “The Greatest City That Ever Was Or Will Be” (TM), i.e., the set of a live-action adaptation of Disney’s Aladdin, Alfred Hitchcock greets Dany and her crew as one of The Thirteen, the merchants who control this city. Seems none are highborn, just entrepreneurs who made mad cash before the spice bubble burst and are now in charge. So, like America.

Alfred is actually listed as “The Spice King,” but he looks so much like Alfred Hitchcock that I just can’t not go with it. Alfred is all, bitch, show us your dragons! She refuses. Alfred turns her away. She swears vengeance, but is interrupted by Xaro Xhoan Daxos, a tall drink of water who swears by blood to vouch for Dany and her Dothraki people. We can see where this is going.

In Harrenhal, Gendry’s been selected for death-by-rat-chest-tunneling. He’s saved by the appearance of Papa Tywin Lannister. (When Gendry dies, I am done with this show.) Lannister is like, why are you morons killing all these prisoners, who have actual trades and skills other than torturing and killing? He outs Arya as a girl (though unaware of her parentage), and makes her his cup bearer.

Tyrion is paid a visit by his cousin, Lancel, who has a warrant from Cersei demanding the release of Pycelle. Cersei must really trust you, Lancel, says Tyrion, “during the hour of the wolf.” Hour of the wolf! All future nighttime activities will be referred to as taking place during such. Tyrion is like, cuz, I know you are boning my sister. Let’s tell Joffrey! He begs mercy. Tyrion makes him swear to spy on Cersei for him, and sends him back with the message that he accepts her demands and wants no more strife between them. Subterfuge!

Stannis and Davos are on a boat. He asks Davos to bring Melisandre ashore under cover of night to some weird cave for a LaMaze class. She gives birth toooooo…..A VAGINA GHOST! Congratulations, Stannis. He looks just like you.

Last week was a cliffhanger in which Craster clubbed Jon over the head for following him into the woods when he made his infant sacrifice to the Others. Raise your hand if you thought Craster was going to offer Jon to the Others. Jon is like, “You don’t understand, Mormont, he’s killin’ them, all the boys…ohmygodyouknow” Yes, Jon. He knows. You are like, literally the last person on the Night’s Watch to figure this shit out.

“Like it or not, we need men like Craster,” says Mormont. If there’s anything this society runs on, other than the spinning wheels of fire in the opening credit, it’s men like Craster, and Varys, and Baelish, and everyone else who has figured out how to survive in this sick sad world that is the Seven Kingdoms by being sick sad people.

Sam and Gilly have A Moment. He gives her his mother’s thimble, the only thing he has of his one relative who gave a shit about him. She takes it; he promises to return to collect it (and her). Those crazy kids. I hope they get married and have lots of non-incestual offspring.

Back in Winterfell, Bran is having more of his nutty anthropomorphized dreams. He questions Luwin about the lore of magical humans who could inhabit animals’ bodies. Ta-da! This explains a lot! “What boy doesn’t secretly wish for hidden powers to lift him out of his dull life into a special one?” Writers, are you looking at us, the audience? I see what you did there.

A hop, skip and a jump over to Storm’s End (the first time we are seeing it by the way, and doesn’t it sound like a retirement community?), and two soldiers are battling for the entertainment of their Gay King Renly Baratheon and his new bride, Margaery Tyrell. (Her dress is super futuristic and low cut and awesome. I like her already.) Doesn’t it seem like a waste of resources for all these top soldiers to constantly be battling it out in Fight Club? Ser Loras Tyrell, Margaery’s brother and Renly’s lover, is fighting a masked soldier, who wins. Psych, it’s a lady! Lady Brienne of Tarth. “Just call me Brienne,” she tells Catelyn. “I”m no lady.” For her valiant efforts, she gets one wish. She wants to be a member of the King’s Guard. Granted! Personally, I would have asked for some gold, or a seaside cottage with a trust for property taxes.

Catelyn is visiting to ask Renly to help out Robb Stark, but she’s not exactly getting along with everyone. Conversely, there’s an exhange between Renly and one of his soldiers to demonstrate what a friendly, easy-going guy he is. I may be your king, but I’m just like you guys! He leaves to “pray, alone.” We see where this is going.

On Pyke, Theon and Yara are having an argument by candlelight. I was terrified during this scene that they were going to kiss. Papa Greyjoy details to his children how they’re going to take over the North and defeat the Stark army. He gives Yara 30 ships. He gives Theon one ship. “The Sea Bitch,” says Yara. “We thought she’d be perfect for you.” Yara is being kind of a sea bitch.

Theon tries to convince his father and sister to team up with the Starks, but Balon is too hell-bent on going to war. “Your time with the wolves has made you weak.” And your time in a damp, salty castle has made you insane, Balon.

In King’s Landing, Tyrion and Shae are having a lover’s quarrel. It’s the oldest story in the book: boy meets girl, boy hides girl in secret chamber in family castle, girl wants to go outside, boy wants her to work undercover as a kitchen wench. ”Every man who has tasted my cooking has told me what a good whore I am,” quips Shae. I hear that, sister!

I thought I’d attended some awkward family dinners, but nothing tops the one where Sansa’s tween-in-laws are asking their mother, “Is our brother going to kill Sansa’s brother?” Sansa is continuing her “name, rank, and serial number” numb captive routine. We can see the wheels turning. Shae is appointed her handmaiden. Hopefully Sansa has sense enough not to confide in her, but she’s a teenager, so, we’re not betting on it.

Tyrion continues to set up his tidy little hermetically-sealed inner circle. He wants to weed out anyone who is more loyal to Cersei, so he tells Pycelle, Varys, and Baelish that he plans to marry off Princess Myrcella to three different men in a political power play (with the stipulation that “the queen mustn’t know”): the (as yet unnamed) youngest son of House Martell of Dorne, Theon Greyjoy, and Robin Arryn of the Vale. I don’t know anything about the Martell kid, but we know that Theon is 1) a jackass when it comes to “romance” (but, bonus, he’s into very young girls?) and Robin is still breastfeeding, despite no longer being eligible for the kid’s meal. Best of luck to you, Myrcella, if any of this pans out! You’ve got some real winners to choose from.

Renly is “praying” “alone” i.e., getting it on with his boo. Loras is like, get off me, I am mad at you for emasculating me after my pretend fight, and also my chest hair is growing back in weird! (Remember that scene from Season 1?) Loras sends in his sister for sexytimes with her new husband. Renly is trying very hard not to burst into tears while she kisses him. He is terrified of vaginas. After offering him herself, she offers up some Real Talk. She’s well aware of Renly and her brother’s relationship, but also knows if he’s going to be king, and she’s going to be queen, she needs to get pregnant ASAP, so if that means using her brother as a marital aid, so be it. This is one understanding lady! Understanding, and cunning. I like this broad.

Cersei and Tyrion get into a shoving match. She’s heard of his plans to send Myrcella off to Dorne. Guess we know who the mole is now! Theon writes a letter to Robb warning him of his father’s plans. Then he burns it. He’s made his choice. He gets baptized with seawater, being welcomed back into the fold.

Baelish doesn’t like being made a fool of! But he softens when Tyrion offers him a chance to run an errand that involves negotiating with his crush, Catelyn, for the release of Jaime. Tyrion has his men cart Pycelle off to the dungeons. Tyrion and Varys sit down for a cup of chianti and discuss power. “Power resides where men believe it resides,” says Varys. “It’s a trick, a shadow on the wall. And, a very small man can cast a very large shadow.”

Somewhere in Westeros on the way to the Wall, the Night’s Watch recruits are sleeping in a barn. Did this remind anyone else of that scene from the Disney animated film 101 Dalmations?

Arya can’t sleep. She’s polishing Needle, the sword Jon gave her. She and Yoren have a fireside chat about vengeance and grief. We learn that Yoren came to the Wall because he murdered his brother’s killer. Arya can’t stop picturing the faces of Joffrey, the queen, her father, her sister, all in the moments before Ned’s death, but her eyes glimmer with satisfaction upon hearing Yoren’s story. Watch out, Joffrey. Arya’s coming for you.

A warning horn sounds outside the barn. “Ho! Get up ya lazy sons o’ whores,” yells Yoren. “There’s men out there who want to fuck your corpses!” Can I make this soundbite my morning alarm clock?

Yoren pulls Gendry and Arya aside, and tells them to hide, not to fight, and to run northward if shit goes down. Shit proceeds to go down. Those two soldiers Yoren pissed off earlier have returned with reinforcements. They proceed to question Yoren, and a battle breaks out. All the recruits watch Yoren get speared from all sides. A fire’s been ignited, and Arya frees the three men from the last episode who are still in their cage. Arya, Gendry, and the other young recruits are rounded up as prisoners. One of them has been shot in the leg, and asks the head soldier to carry him. He brutally skewers him through the neck with Arya’s sword. “We’re looking for a bastard named Gendry,” a soldier says. “Give him up, or I’ll start taking eyeballs.” Everyone looks at each other nervously. Arya, blessedly, thinks quickly and sees the boy that’s just been killed had Gendry’s bull-horn helmet, and identifies him as Gendry. Cut to black! Let’s hope the less intelligent recruits have sense enough to call Gendry something other than “Heh….ndryyyy.”

Episode 12 starts where Episode 11 ends: in the company of the newest Night’s Watch recruits. Arya chats it up with the three rapists/murderers in the jail cell on wheels. One of them is played by a sensitive James Franco type. He’s a little too good-looking, and therefore I am suspicious that he’ll have some more speaking lines later.

Two men from the king’s watch show up with a warrant for Gendry. Arya thinks they are there for her. Surprise! They are there for Gendry, and no one knows why, not even Gendry, who does not know he is probably the last living child of King Robert Baratheon (RIP). One of the two guards and Yoren cross swords and by swords I mean a dagger and an artery. (“I could shave a spider’s arse if I wanted to!” says Yoren. Haha. You are a poet.) The dagger wins (this round!). The men ride back to King’s Landing, minus one sword.

Tyrion goes to visit his secret girlfriend. She is having a chat with Varys, aka, The Spider, aka The Master of Whisperers. What a name. “You should taste her fish pie,” says Tyrion. Just to be clear, he is talking about her vagina, not her home cooking. If you weren’t clear on that, the writers then insert four more references to fish pie and fishing and fishermen. Ugh. Can’t we go back to using “twat” and “arse”? Much more dignified. The audience feels beaten over the head with a dead carp, and I mean an actual carp, this is not another reference to the human anatomy.

Varys makes vague threats towards Tyrion. Tyrion says, “I’m not Ned Stark, I know how this game is played.” The Eunuch responds, “The storms come and go. The big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on paddling.” The Eunuch is the Heath Ledger’s Joker of King’s Landing. “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” His only allegiance is CHAOS!

The Lannister cousin that Rob Stark has sent to King’s Landing with His Terms is before Tyrion and Cersei. She tears up the parchment. “You are getting really good at tearing up paper,” Tyrion says to his sister. So true.

One more thing before you go, cousin, says Cersei. “Have you seen Jaime? If you speak with him, tell him he has not been forgotten.” Or not! Whatever. I am super casual. Haha! So you know, if you happen to see my brother-lover I mean brother-uncle I mean Jaime, say hey, or not, whatever. If you have time. It’s cool. Everything’s cool

Also, a raven has arrived. (That white one? What was with that white raven, anyway?) Mormont has written to tell the King about the night walker making it into Castle Black. No one believes him, except Tyrion, who has Seen Things.

Back at the Knight’s Watch encampment at Craster’s Keep, the boys in black are telling locker room stories, like, you fart when you die. The night is dark and full of terrors and the world is full of cold hard truths, and one of them is that you fart when you die. Ghost the Direwolf is terrifying one of Kaster’s daughter-wives, Gilly, who is holding a dead rabbit. Pro tip: Do not hold animal carcasses in front of you when in the presence of giant hungry wolves. Sam shoos Ghost away. She is pregnant with her child-sibling (ugh). Sam and Gilly beg Jon to smuggle her out of the compound, because she knows if she has a brother-son, something bad will happen. Jon wants to know what is so bad that happens. At first I was like, Memo to Jon Snow: Craster kills his sons! But what I didn’t consider is how he kills his sons. At first I figured it was normal old infanticide, but that would be too normal for this show.

Meanwhile, back in the Red Waste where Daenerys and her people are hanging out, waiting to hear back from their scouts, there is a serious Oregon Trail situation going on. Everyone is hungry and dehydrated and the oxen have drowned in the sand river and the children are dying of TB and look, one of the scouts is back! Just kidding, it’s just his horse. With the scout’s head in a bag. And whoever cut off his head included his ponytail, which has also been cut off, probably so it can be donated to Locks of Love. At least his killer was a thoughtful soul. Can we just pause and consider how many beheadings this show has had in its short run? Ten? 100? 1,000? Leave it to George R. R. Martin to look to Mexican drug cartels for inspiration.

Theon Greyjoy The Romantic has taken leave of his friend and faux-brother Robb Stark to negotiate with his father, Balon, Lord of the Iron Islands. On his cruise to the islands he is taking the ship’s captain’s daughter below deck. In true Theon The Romantic fashion, he says, “Try smiling with your lips closed.” Swoon. This sex scene cuts to two more acts of copulation, within the walls of Baelish’s House o’ Whores. A customer is displeased! His lady du jour is weeping. Baelish gives him another prostitute, after he wipes semen from her mouth. Classiest brothel this side of Westeros, this place! Take a breath mint on your way out. They’re free.

Speaking of Theon, remember that time he threw a nickel at Ros so she would flash him her business as she rode a potato cart out of Winterfell? Well, Ros is now managing Baelish’s brothel. She is the red haired office manager of this show, strong and confident. However, Ros is the lady who is crying. Baelish goes in to talk to her. At first you think he’s being very sweet, but then he tells her a terrifying little story of a former weepy prostitute that he sold to a real sicko, “to use her in ways that never occur to most men.” Uhhhhhh. And here I thought they had Something Special, then he had to go and talk in a Law and Order: Special Victims Unit psychotic villain voice. Baelish, I don’t know how much longer you’re going to be my favorite.

Tyrion has invited Janos Slynt, head of City Watch, over for a glass of pinot, followed by a night cap of an exiling to The Wall! So long, Janos! It’s been real. Bronn is now in charge. Tyrion is really setting himself up as a super bad ass. “If I told you to murder an infant girl, still at her mother’s breast, would you do it, without question?” asks Tyrion. “Without question?” says Bronn. “No, I’d ask how much.”

Back at Craster’s place, Arya is figuring out that her father had an interest in Gendry, and Gendry is like, “Girl, I know you’re a girl.” And now he knows she’s Lady Arya Stark. Doesn’t that feel better to get everything out in the open?

Back in the Iron Islands, some old merchant is all, “Whatcha doin’?” And Theon is all, “Oh, you know, carrying some wine, some other stuff and by the way I’m the only living son of Balon Greyjoy! Boom!” He leaves to go get Theon a horse. Meanwhile, a lady has been listening. She offers to take him to Balon. They have a sexy verbal exchange. “Maybe you need someone to teach you,” etc. They ride on her horse to the castle. He is feeling up her breasts then sticks his hands down her lady pants as her breathing gets heavy. “This will be a night you tell your grandchildren of.” Okay, first of all, Theon, whose grandparents talk about sexcapades on horseback? No wonder you are so messed up.

Theon arrives. Hi dad! Remember me? I love you! Balon makes lots of jokes about Theon dressed like a girl, Ned Stark’s daughter, and a whore. Skirts are very on trend in Winterfell, okay, Balon?

Balon is like, daaaaaad, I’m not a girl, and I remember my brothers, and I want to make you king again! Here are Robb’s demands. Just sign it. It’s a good idea, I promise. “I am your only living heir. Who else?”

The lady horse rider comes it. “YARA?!” It’s his sister. Oh. My. God. Guh-ross. Sidebar: I had stopped vomiting by the time I watched this episode, but this scene almost set off another round.

Yara is not only captain of a championship-winning softball team, she commands her own ship, and her father is going to send her to lead men into battle. Sorry, Theon! Guess you have to go back to being generally disgusting.

Back at Dragonstone, Davos is recruiting his friend Salladhor Saan, a pirate, to sail for the army of Stannis Baratheon. He agrees, but only on the condition that he can rape queen Cersei upon taking King’s Landing. So, we introduce the first black guy this show has seen, and he’s immediately portrayed as an unapologetic rapist. Ugh. Show.

Speaking of Cersei, she and Tyrion are fighting again. He’s trying to convince her that they’re “losing the people” and that when winter comes (Winter is coming!) they will revolt against her and Joffrey. Tyrion realizes Joffrey was the one who ordered all of Robert’s suspected bastards killed, and didn’t have the courtesy to tell his mom first. Ruling is hard! “It’s all fallen on me,” she wails. “As has Jaime, repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon,” says Tyrion. Zing!

“You’re funny. You’ve always been funny. But none of your jokes will ever match the first one, will they? You remember, back when you ripped my mother open on your way out of her and she bled to death,” retorts Cersei.

“She was my mother too,” says Tyrion, sadly. “Now they’re gone.” (Presumably she means their mother and Jaime?) “For the sake of you,” says Cersei. “There’s no bigger joke in the world than that.”

Yowzah. Things just got real dark. I mean, this is how Irish families talk to each other on holidays after a few drinks!

Stannis and Melisandre walk into the play room, and Davos and his compatriot are playing with their new Playmobile Battle for the Iron Throne Extension Pack. If movies and television have taught me anything, it’s that when we are presented with a table littered with game pieces like checkers or tiny figurines or such, they will eventually be swept off in a dramatic fashion and sex will happen on that surface. Bingo!

Melisandre convinces a reluctant Stannis to bone her. His wife is sick, “shut away in a tower”? Jane Eyre-style? Stannis is like, “I don’t know, bewitching priestess in a Dianne Von Furstenburg wrap dress! I’m married and stuff! But wait - you want to give me a son? YAY!”

There is a thing no married guy has ever said.

And so, all the Playmobil pieces fall to the ground as Stannis thrusts into her, a metaphor for the men that will surely fall in this, the Gaaaaaame of Throoooones.

Back north o’ the Wall, Jon Snow is creepin’, watching Craster take one of his new infant sons into the woods. He follows him. He sees Craster returning from the depths of the woods sans baby. He hears the infant’s cries and rushes towards them, only to see A Creature take the baby away, further into the woods. The very Creature we saw in the very first episode, the tall growly humanoid one with glowing blue eyes. Uh-oh. This might explain why They are not bothering Craster – he offers them routine human sacrifies! Jon hears something. He looks up. Craster hits him over the head. Cut to black. Cliffhanger!

More gold from ArrestedWesteros.com

Here we go! Four days late! Apologies to the two people who will read this.

Lest ye forget how the first season of Game of Thrones ended, in a stunning final sequence of barbarity, the baby king Joffrey goes off the ranch, and beheads his just-deceased father’s Hand (of the King) / best friend forever Ned Stark, in front of Ned’s eldest daughter, Sansa, who he happens to be engaged to. Yikes! His mother, the Queen Cersei, pretty evil but not quite that evil/rash, is all “WHAT HATH MY HUBRIS WROUGHT” and most likely now incredibly terrified of her teenage son. Teenagers! I feel like I’ve been around a lot of them lately with DC’s tourist season in full swing, and they are constantly rolling their eyes or complaining and I just want to smack them, and I don’t even know them. If you were ever a teenager, go hug your parents and say “I’m sorry.” You were probably the worst. We all were. But Joffrey is actually The Worst.

So yes, in case you forgot just what levels of terribleness Joffrey achieved in his first few days as king, Season Two opens on his “naming day” (the king is named king and everyone chooses their dodgeball teams for the rest of the semester). The Hound is back! But this time, instead of slapping teenage girls until they bleed, he is hitting a guy in the face with a mace until he bleeds, and then pushing him off a ledge so he bleeds some more. He is dead. Everyone claps. We are in for some brutal times, my friends.

Sir Dontos the Red of the House of Hollard is called up to fight next. He’s late! And kind of drunk. No judgement, we’ve all been there! Joffrey continues his maniacal smiling-while-ordering-underlings-to-torture-others, and Dunkoff is summarily pushed to his knees to be force-fed red wine. Again, who hasn’t beent there? Some average frat party stuff, really. Sansa cries out, horrified. Joffrey is really not turning out to be the guy she thought he was. In a bit of quick thinking, Sansa convinces him to spare Dontos.

Before anyone else can fight to the death, Uncle Tyrion shows up. He gives his condolences to Sansa regarding her executed father, and when Joffrey interjects, Tyrion implores him to be a bit more empathetic, given that his own father just died. And the look on Joffrey’s face clearly reads: “My father’s dead? My father-father or my uncle-father? I have a father? Wasn’t I always king? WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY FROM ME, UNCLE TYRION?”

Tyrion shows up at the Small Council, upon which Cersei sits. After announcing their father has named him Hand of the King (in lieu of Uncle-Father Jaime), they argue. Cersei reveals Arya is MIA, and they now only have one Stark to trade for Jaime’s release. How could Cersei let this happen? First she loses control of her son, then she lets their prisoner get away, plus she forgot to make brownies for the bake sale and help her youngest with his science project and now he’s going to get a C+, at best. Pull your nose out of your Real Simple, Cersei, and get with the program. “It must be hard for you,” says Tyrion, “to be the dissapointing child.”

Back in Winterfell, the eldest Stark left on the property is 10 years old, so The Little Lord Bran Cereal is now Lord of Winterfell. He’s also having those prescient dreams again! Uh-oh. He roams around the woods with his friendly giant Hodor and hobo-witch companion. They remark about the appearance of the bright red comet in the daylight sky. It’s an omen! But what does it mean? We never really find out in this episode, but, it’s posed that it means “Yar be dragons,” to which Bran responds “Dragons have been dead for centuries.”

CUT TO: Daenerys leading her rag-tag crew of loyal Dothraki and freed slaves through a desert. And there’s a baby dragon on her shoulder. Dawww. It won’t eat the meat she’s been trying to feed it. What kind of meat do dragons like? HUMAN meat? We’ll find out soon I hope. In the meantime everyone should stop being so judgmental about her dragon-mothering. Not everyone takes naturally to dragon-feeding, and all of these scare tactics about how you need to dragon-feed until the dragon is a year old or whatever are really getting to her.

“They’re too weak to fight,” says Jorah, “As are your people. You must be their strength.” (And you are my strength, Iain Glen. Whether you are a shady royal advisor on this show or a conniving rat bastard newspaper tycoon in Downton Abbey, you look damn fine doing it.)

While Daeny’s people are trying to find their way to water, the men of the Knights’ Watch are headed northward. They get to Craster’s place up in wildling territory. There are dozens of women running around the compound: his wives and daughter-wives and granddaughter-wives “and on and on it goes.” Gross! Despite having so many women to dote on him, he seems awfully preoccupied with Jon Snow. “You’re prettier than half my daughters; you got a nice wet twat between your legs?” When he is not commenting on Jon’s beautiful face or accusing the Sargeant of being gay–Do you not want to marry your own daughters? GAY!–he informs the group that the king of the wildlings is gathering his own army. Another contender for the crown of Westeros! Yippee.

Meanwhile, on the isle of Dragonstone (a new place!), Stannis Baratheon, brother of Robert and Renly, is having an effigy-burning luau to toast HIS bid for the crown, and a letter-writing party to let everyone in Westeros know that his king-nephew is the product of incest. The host of the party is a new character, Melisandre, who the older advisors do not like with her radical new ideas about monotheism, and so one of them tries to poison her. Surprise! It backfires. “The night is dark and full of terrors,” she intones again, “but the fire burns them all away.”

Robb Stark is leading his men south, and they’ve already racked up three victories over the Lannister troops. He has a Moment with Jaime. When Jaime says, “What’s the matter boy, insulted?” in an old-school Sean Connery voice, I lost it.

Meanwhile, at King’s Landing, Tyrion is hiding his whore-girlfriend Shae in the castle. She’s trying too hard, going on and on about how she loves the arousing smells of corpses and garbage and semen. Okay girl, we GET IT. Cersei asks Lord Baelish to help her find Arya. (Baelish! I love Baelish.) He refuses, she orders his throat slit on the spot. Now we know where Joffrey gets his impulse to execute people on a whim! She spares him, but now he’s really got to find Arya, or else. Joffrey is redecorating the castle. He tells Cersei he’s heard the “rumor” about his father-uncle, and she denies it. He asks how many other women his king-father sired children with, and she slaps him. Everyone working on the redecoration pretends not to notice so they won’t have their eyes taken out. Joffrey goes back to selecting tapestries.

At Peter Baelish’s Whore House o’ Wonders, it’s orientation day for the new whores, so we, the audience, can see how things work. Until the king’s men show up and kill a baby. A baby fathered by Robert. Cue biblical montage of infants and teens being stabbed, drowned and otherwise killed. It’s about to get real Old Testament up in here.

But where is that cutie blacksmith/bastard-of-Robert that Ned once met with? On a cart, headed north! With Arya! Hopefully they will both be fine, but I really think they should wear seat belts if they are going to sit on the very edge of the rickety cart like that.

(from ArrestedWesteros.com, home of the very best Game of Thrones + Arrested Development mashups. Click, delight, repeat.)

I’m giving myself permission to try my hand at something I’ve long wanted to do: recapping an entire series of a show as it airs. After sporadically watching the first season at a friend’s house last year, then plowing through the first 75% before stopping just short of the REALLY SCARY PART (I wish I was joking), and then watching all ten episodes these last two weeks in good and learned company (meaning, someone who has actually read all the George R. R. Martin novels the show is based upon), I’m chomping at the bit for Season Two to begin. It’s unprecedented that I’ll have access to an HBO show as it airs, so I’m gonna run with that. Pending that the show is available online for HBO subscribers on Sunday night, I’ll post on Mondays. If it’s Monday, it’ll be Tuesdays. Stay tuned.

“SHOUT out to Tumblr,” said Zombelle

“The surprising thing is that it really was cohesive,” Lil Internet said by iChat; he declined to use his legal name, saying he is now known solely by his Twitter handle.

“There are people who work for Lady Gaga that are in my circle of friends.”

“Mermaids are vicious harpies who lure sailors to their death,” she said, scorn cresting in her voice.

“It’s going to be the saddest rave you’ve ever been to.”

(Hang ‘em high, Left to Right: Tork, Jones, Nesmith, Dolenz)

I hate to be one of those people, but I don’t have a “type.” Or, I like to think I don’t. There’s a pretty broad spectrum of “types” I’m drawn to. (I was joking with friends recently, after learning that an ex had named his daughter “Catherine” that if I have a son, I will have to think of a very unusual first name, as it seems I have exhausted the spectrum of common male names in those I have dated–with only one repeat! Snaps for me. Future son, if you are reading this, I hope this will give you some insight into why it was crucial you be named Osbert. Love you, Osbert!)

However, in the wake of the most recent wave of celebrity-death-triggered nostalgia, I saw something familiar in those group photos of The Monkees circa 1966. There, flanking heartthrob Davy Jones, were the impish smirk of perpetual prankster Micky Dolenz and the dour grimace of lanky loner Michael Nesmith. Something about looking at these images triggered a sense of recognition.

It was more than a simple recognition of their faces alone–faces I know well. I spent many Saturday mornings watching reruns of The Monkees with a bowl of Lucky Charms in hand. My mother saved many of her Monkees and Davy Jones LPs from over the years, and I have vivid memories of skipping around in circles to “Hey Hey We’re The Monkees” and “Last Train to Clarksville” until I was ready to vomit. And when I was in the fourth grade, I went to see the The Brady Bunch Movie in theatres with my mother and my best friend.

(I remember this being a real thrill, because I was never allowed to watch PG-13 movies–including Batman–but my mother wanted to see this, and had raised me on the aforementioned pop diet of 60s and 70s sitcoms, and probably thought all the sex jokes would go right over my head. Rest assured that they 100% did, and absolutely did not mold me into the lost soul that I am today. Love you, mom!)

Anyway, Davy Jones himself is in the film, along with adult Dolenz and last but not least, Peter Tork. I don’t know why I didn’t develop an affinity for Tork’s persona. He’s probably the most even-keeled of the bunch.

Jones still looked a lot like himself. Petite, charismatic, sparkling eyes–I registered at the age of 9 that he was the same man from the TV show, but I doubt I understood the older, wizened Dolenz to be the curly-mopped rogue I’d grown infatuated with. Perhaps if I had, I would have avoided developing this preference all together.

Back to the pictures. I see Dolenz and Nesmith at the apex of their popularity, and I think, “Yup, that’s what I go for.” Nine times out of ten, if I am around a group of men, if I am attracted to any of them it is generally the joker or the loner. This presents me with two options: share in the adventurous, non-committal spirit of the merry prankster or try very hard to make the scowling guy smile. I suppose both appeal to my sense of humor and let me exercise it. In elementary, middle and high school, I always went for the class clown. As a goody-two-shoes over-achiever, I delighted in silently watching them wreak havoc in the classroom. As a grown up, I still adore the Dolenzes of this world, though I suppose I make them my friends rather than paramours. In that regard, I spent several years going for the outwardly brooding, doleful intellectuals. I thought that still waters ran deep, but more often than not it was the placid veneer of a lack of empathy for other humans or a debilitating chemical imbalance.

A lot’s changed. While I no longer relegate my romantic choices to these two archetypes entirely, old habits die hard. And, I still love Lucky Charms.

Last week was a busy one. On Tuesday, after a full day of guest-editing over at Brightest Young Things,  I took in the early show of Portlandia Live at 930 Club before heading across town to make it to Other Lives’ set at the Red Palace. The interview I did with Jesse Tabish of Other Lives a few weeks back ran on DCist ahead of the show. I didn’t review the set, but if I had, it would have been favorable (despite the set being nearly identical to the one I saw at the same venue in June 2011, closer of Leonard Cohen’s “The Partisan” and all). They’re well equipped to begin their North American tour with Radiohead this week.

Portlandia was largely panned by the DC media. It wasn’t better than any episode (and I would argue that it should be, for shelling out the cost of a dvd box set for an hour of live entertainment that was 1/3 video clips), but I have hope for those guys. I think Armisen and Brownstein are creative, talented people. Perhaps they’re stretched too thin?

On Thursday I had the pleasure of seeing Raleigh’s Heads on Sticks at DC9 as part of Monument’s ongoing series of benefit concerts, this one for DC Vote. I interviewed David Mueller (also bassist for Birds of Avalon) the day before and I was pleased to see their live chops live up to their EP Brutish & Short.

In between those shows, I went to see Islands at the Black Cat, and it was a terrible disappointment. I’ve seen them live before and had a blast; I feel that they’re known for their raucous, blazing energy live performances. Per “artist’s request,” the cafe tables and chairs at the very back of the main stage area were moved up front, and patrons were forced to sit for the first half of the show, until a belligerent Nick Thornburn was all, “Do you like this? Kick shit over; infest this space.” I hadn’t listened to the new album ahead of the show, so I was not prepared for the sad-sack heartbreak set. So, maybe my experience was like when you anticipate a bite of something sweet, and it turns out to be salty – not bad, necessarily, but not what you wanted. I went in hoping for his spangly white cape with gold accents, and all I got was a bunch of matching suits. After reading this interview with him on Pop & Hiss, I felt a smidge more benevolent, though.

As for my day at BYT, one of the best things I came across while doing link round-ups was this set of images from a Howard University fraternity’s mardi gras party circa 1940. I love finding bits of visual history from my neighborhood.